Not Alone
by ScottXLoganNetwork
Summary: Tony finds himself in the midst of a panic attack when Steve arrives to offer up his support.


"I just need a moment," Tony had explained excusing himself from the briefing with Fury and the others, but right now he wasn't concerned about any of what he'd left behind. All he could think about was getting some air and the escape that he so desperately needed. Pushing his way out through the double doors he could feel the sun's rays upon him, but they did nothing to expel that dread that carried over his body. It shook him at his core driving him further from the man he'd always thought himself to be. Now he was raw, exposed and helpless.

"Helpless," he thought to himself when he made his way out onto the empty balcony desperate to get a grip on his emotions. With each breath he took he felt the walls closing in around him. His mind was filled with fears he knew were irrational. He could feel a tightness in his chest, a pounding in his head leaving him trapped inside of a world that felt foreign to the man he was. This wasn't like him. He couldn't show the others—he wouldn't let them see what was happening. It wasn't what they expected, yet…

"Damn it," Tony cursed leaning up against the stone wall behind him. He tried to focus on the day beyond where he stood, on the things that were first and foremost on the agenda, but nothing seemed to work. Even with science and rationality in the back of his mind, he was overtaken by his emotions seemingly sucked into the same dark hole he'd been in during the attack that changed him. Closing his eyes he could feel his mortality just beyond his reach. He could sense the end was near and just when the walls began to close in upon him he dropped down to the ground overtaken with tiny tremors.

"No," he mouthed to himself wishing like hell that things were different. He'd thought he'd evolved past this, but it was still inside of him tearing at what grip on control he had. He inhaled slowly hoping to calm his nerves, to put on the façade a little longer so that the rest of the world wouldn't see just how far he'd fallen. Bringing his hands up over his head he tried to still that inner voice that warned him that the end was near. Everything in his life replayed in his mind taking him from one downward spiral to another until finally those close calls he'd experienced in his life dominated his mind. For so long he'd been lucky, far luckier than most men, but as with any gambler his luck would soon run out. He'd exhausted his options and now…

"Tony," he heard a voice call out of him from across the balcony. Stiffening he raised his chin fighting to hide the thoughts that consumed him. He gulped down hard knowing that the tears that lingered behind his eyes were far too revealing for him to pretend that he hadn't been lost in his own personal torment, trapped in the hell that had dominated his thoughts since he'd almost met his demise. However, before he could try to urge his companion to leave him be, he felt a hand pressing down on his shoulder supportively, "it's alright."

"Don't," Tony warned lowering his head once again when the hand eased over the back of his neck, rubbing at his shoulders in a small, soothing movement, "Steve, I just need…air."

"Tony," Steve began opening his mouth to say something that Tony was convinced he'd inevitably hate, but much to his surprise Steve simply fell to silence in taking a seat beside him on the stone floor of the balcony, "Me too."

For a long time they sat in silence simply listening to the world around them. The traffic continued to drive on by. The people beyond the walls of the building moved on each one of them lost in the busy activities of their lives going on as if there were no consequences to their actions. They were oblivious to the weight of the world that Tony carried on his shoulders and yet he'd envied them. He longed for the days when he hadn't been afraid of everything—when he had hoped for nothing more than a fun companion for the night and a good time. Now with anxiety creeping in over him, he'd found that life to be nothing more than a fleeting memory when his nerves got the best of him.

"You're not alone you know," Steve finally broke his long silence as Tony raised his chin up once again. He tipped his head to the side giving Steve a long, uneasy once over before nodding.

"I know," Tony focused on the doors beyond where they sat together, "It's just…difficult for me. I'm not usually like this."

"None of us are," Steve paused when Tony sensed something more beyond his words, "but for what it's worth I'm just glad that you're here."

"Steve," Tony began when he felt the first brush of Steve's fingers against his. Looking down he watched as Steve interlaced their hands. One by one Steve's long fingers squeezed his providing a strength that Tony had so desperately needed, but was too afraid to ask for in all of his years fighting to become the invincible Iron Man. However, with the warmth of Steve's touch he found himself at ease, contented in ways that he hadn't anticipated once his world started to crumble to pieces around him.

"When the world changes on you it takes time to adjust," Steve stated simply, "but when you do, well, you take the life lessons that are thrust upon you and make the most of them."

"Is that right?" Tony tipped his head to the side noticing the hint of a smirk that carried over Steve's handsome features. In the sunlight there was a certain sparkle to his eyes that Tony hadn't quite noticed before in all of their time bickering with one another. However, as Steve held his hand strong and steady Tony found himself secretly enjoying this surprising side of the man he'd once found to be impossibly rigid and old fashioned.

"So they tell me," Steve's grin expanded when his fingers gripped tighter over the base of Tony's palm, "You aren't alone anymore Tony. Neither of us are. We can get through this together."

"Together," Tony repeated contemplating his words before simply nodding, "yeah. Sure."

Turning his eyes to the sun above Tony wondered if his fears would ever come to pass. The more he thought about them, the more he'd realized the anxiety was a part of him. The panic attacks that had placed a distance between him and Pepper had grown increasingly debilitating, but with Steve Rogers at his side, Tony couldn't help, but wonder if maybe just maybe Steve was right. Maybe together they could break the cycle giving Tony a new reason to move forward with his life. Looking down to Steve's hand over his offering up support and companionship Tony couldn't help, but relax leaning up against the stone wall behind him in knowing that perhaps things would get easier after all.


End file.
